Thank You For The Invitation

Just wanna say thanks for the invitation.

Thanks for remembering me and I am really thankful though I'm not attending.

Maybe it is my problem.

I afraid that I may not be able to join in conversations or memories that ain't for
me or experiences that I can't share cos I wasn't part of the picture.

It is good to have someone or a group to remember your birthday especially from people that you spend most of the time with.

I remember that I got very hurt when there was this year that people forgot my birthday and one of them told me that anyway mine was over and they went ahead celebrating someone's birthday. It was only belated 2 days......

I held back my disappointment and felt so lost. I left and drove myself to a deserted car park and sat in the car and cried my eyes out.

I thought I belong to this group, the group that I spent my entire 22 years in it.

Others may think that it's no great deal but it did matter alot to me at that period of time.

I wanna a sense of belonging and I thought I was part of the group.

Sadly I wasn't.

Even sometimes going out with friends, I have this wierd feeling that I'm someone extra, I shouldn't be around. Perhaps I shouldn't be around.

Am I such a pain in the neck or a thorn that is so irritating to the eyes?

Or am I just plain over-sensitive?

I used to go out often though I don't club, pub or merry-making alot.

I wanted to do opera.

Now, I stay mostly at home spinning cobwebs... FB alot recently...be a contented farmer in my countryside, cooking delicious meals in a small restaurant, training myself to be a gongfu expert and occasionally looking after my pet in pet society.

I blog so little nowadays...

I even thought of winding up my blog but I read up my previous entries in this blog and my hidden Kirk's Passion's blog.

I was so so....passionate ... so warm... so keen... so irritating sometimes as some entries were really straightforward...

I'm getting withdrawn...

I don't do opera that often.

I read more now, I love going to the Esplanade to borrow DVDs.

I stay at home most of the time.

I eat dinner 7 days a week most of the time.

I'm saving pennies and coins hoping to redeem my freedom one day.

I window shop and look at the pastries that make my mouth water BUT I do not allow myself the luxury to eat them.

I think twice, thrice even umpteen times before I buy something.

I don't want to end up being a lonely old hag with only coins.

One thing for sure, my opera dvds will be a good company as I have tons of them unwatched.

I miss my BOBO Bear alot... He had been such a good bear for me to cuddle and hug whenever I feel sad.

I really miss him a lot.

No bear can be substituted, the feeling is just not right.

It takes time to grow that amount of feeling and maybe it also takes time to let go of him just like letting go of opera and emotions.