Just that when it is time to leave , you have to leave.
Unhappiness makes you think of leaving.
Disagreements help you to pave the way to "Exit".
Some would take leave to avoid further disappointments.
Some just take leave to pursue what they want to enjoy.
I used to think that I would never leave my troupe because I truely love chinese opera.
I still like Chinese Operas, they make me a more interesting person.
However, I am now not sure whether I would stay on forever.
Last night had a chat with Mum, she was very surprised and shocked to learn that some had already left my troupe.
The first word that she asked me;
"Why are you still in your troupe, why don't you leave?"
I didn't answer her question.
Friends have been suggesting why not I leave my troupe since I am so unhappy and so "under-utilised".
A close friend has been suggesting for years, she told me that if I were to leave, she would pack and go too without a word.
Another friend chided me for my stubbornness, she just wouldn't understand why I stay on for so long and over the years. She felt that I should not be wasting too much time performing.
A troupe mate asked me to "STAY LAH". She mentioned that if she won't get much to act, she would just hang around.
Well, am I not just hanging around now? (LOL)
An unpleasant incident happened not long ago which I won't further elaborate here.
This incident shook my determination, confidence and trust.
I first joined the troupe like everyone else or rather the very "ON" ones with dreams to be fulfilled and realised.
I set harsh targets for myself.
I did the split in just 2 weeks, learnt how to play the organ and overtook the rest because I started out much much later than the rest. I slimmed down so fast just to act Dreams of Red Mansions (2000 version) and cried myself dry almost every night for "Tragedy of Song Palace" just to prove that I was not FAT.
I told myself whatever I have done and learnt during my early opera days, I never regret!
I don't think I want to read my earlier entries in my blog.
It hurts me to see that my passion is wavering and dwindling.
Passion has helped me survive throughout these years despite of unhappiness , defeat and disappointments.
Passion has helped me to believe and build up my confidence.
Passion has made me see "HOPE" and "SUCCESS".
With Passion leaving me bit by bit, I have not much to fall on.
I will just hang on ... ... ...
But when the day comes, I hope to leave with a calm and happy heart.
